Done With It

I spent the better part of my day yesterday in two parts:  First, picking out objects of no particular consequence (computer speakers, picture frames, and a couple small desk organizers). Second, returning both the picture frames and computer speakers.

Upon very brief comparison (literally a minute), I discovered my older speakers actually have much better bass capabilities than the ones I had purchased not two hours before (yet the older ones were manufactured over ten years ago).

As I walked through the store on my way to leave, this thought crossed my mind: We don't make anything.  Anything!  Alright, maybe we make some food.  But where did we get the ingredients from?  The store!  Positively every tangible thing we consume comes from the store.  The concept of clothing, especially, came to mind as I saw a woman examining jewelry who wore the average pair of jeans, and a couple layers of shirts and a scarf.  And the next thought crossed my mind: Why don't we make our own things anymore?

Granted, some probably still do.  But the mainstream mentality is to just buy it, and be done with it.  But maybe that's the problem: We're too anxious to just be done with it.  Why?  What great thing awaits us on the other side of "being done with it" than something else that you also just want to be done with?  And chances are, you're actually not done with it. Like me, you'll probably end up having to go back to that store just to return your purchases that you thought would enable you to be done with it in the first place.

As I informed my dad that the picture frames were going back, he reminded me that he owns a router, and that the router could make exactly the picture frame I want.  I may take him up on the offer.

Now all I have to do is go buy the materials to make the frame.

Will You Watch Me?

Our pastor included this story in his Christmas Eve sermon, and I liked it.

A couple weeks before Christmas, a little six-year-old boy had just lost his mother, and both he and his father were devastated.  One night shortly before Christmas Eve, the boy asked if he could sleep in his dad's room with him.  His dad let him, but as they tried to fall asleep, they couldn't.  They both kept tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, the little boy thinking about his mother, and the father thinking about his wife.

Finally, the little boy turned to his dad and asked, "Dad, will you watch me?  I think if you watch me I'll be able to fall asleep."

"Yes, I'll watch you," the dad answered, and soon his son fell asleep.  But the dad still couldn't fall asleep.  Slowly, he got out of bed, walked to the window and pulled back the curtain. Staring up at the sky, to God, he asked, "Dad, will you watch me?  If you watch me, I think I'll be able to fall asleep."

And in the darkness, the answer came to him like a whisper.  "Yes, son, I'm watching you, and I'll never leave you."

12 Days, 12 Hidden Meanings

Just a note on this post: None of this is via my own research or trifle epiphany.  This information is compliments of GodTube.

We're all familiar with the famous carol, "The Twelve Days of Christmas", and many historians hold that there are actually hidden instructional tools for 16th century Christians in each of the twelve verses.  Whether this is actually true, or simply urban legend, I found the hidden meanings quite intriguing.

1) Partridge in a Pear Tree:

Christ, sacrificing Himself for us.

2) Two turtle doves:

The Old and New testaments

3) Three French Hens:

Symbols of the three theological virtues: Faith, Hope, and Love

4) Four calling birds:

The four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John

5) Five Golden Rings:

The first five books of the Bible, otherwise known as the Pentateuch.

6) Six Geese-a-laying:

The six days of creation (recall that He rested on the seventh).

7) Seven swans a-swimming:

The seven spiritual gifts: prophecy, ministry, teaching, exhortation, giving, leading, compassion.

8) Eight maids a-milking:

The eight beatitudes Jesus teaches about in Matthew.

9) Nine ladies dancing:

The fruits of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

10) Ten Lords a-leaping:

The Ten Commandments

11) Eleven Pipers Piping:

The eleven faithful apostles (Judas Iscariot was ultimately unfaithful).

12) Twelve Drummers Drumming:

The twelve points of the Apostles' Creed.

Living in Wait

Oh dear season of Advent, your finale will be a bit longer in coming for me this year.  Oh, Christmas will still come as scheduled, yes, but I'm awaiting something with more imminent tangible effects.  I had the phone interview with YouthWorks on Friday, and now I'm awaiting the penultimate yes or no, which will either be followed by the quintessential scream of gratitude and joy, or the resolved expression of a different plan God has in store for me than what I wanted for myself.

And amidst this all, I wonder why the things that happened to me today happened.  I dipped my toes into the dark side a few days ago, but now I really have succumbed to its evil plan.  I was actually on my boss's good side today - a first since working this job - because I actually got people to apply for credit cards.

God, either this is some sort of added surprise, or you're letting me cave to the dark.  I really hope this isn't letting me cave to the dark.  I don't want the dark.  I've been fighting it.  But there's the key.  I've been fighting it, and not just giving it over to let You handle it.

Living on the Edge

It's my dad's birthday today.  To celebrate we had salad (his special homemade kind with romaine, bacon bits, tomatoes, and ranch dressing), and pizza.  My mom opened the lid of one of the pizzas, and immediately went, "What?  No sausage, pepperoni, or mushroom?"  If you know my dad, you know these are his three favorite pizza toppings.  No, tonight he decided to go for ham, pineapple, and bacon, to which my sister commented, "Livin' on the edge there, dad."  And it quickly became the running joke of the evening along with the other joke that he turned ten years older than he actually is.

I think somewhere hidden in the depths of all places named retail (or possibly just in the glare of the fluorescent lighting) there exists some sort of supernatural siphon of commercialistic monster that slowly drains you of any resistance to its will.  I could feel myself dying, cell by cell, today as I swiped things across a scanner.  I suppose it did not help that I was tired.  But still.  I felt more disgusted with myself today than I ever have before: Because I'm actually succumbing to their will, and I even prefaced it for some of my customers as being for my own selfish gain.

Selfish gain my ass (and there's really no other way to word it as to evoke the same disgusted meaning, else I would've).  It's so incredibly overrated.  And don't you dare tell me otherwise. If I keep up this behavior, I'm gonna have to smack myself pretty soon.  Selfish gain, however, is not to be confused with gain.  Gain is not bad.  After all, to die is gain.

If commercialistic siphon monster be the stuff of earth, then I'll just have to go take a nice long dip in God's ocean to replenish what the monster continues to suck out of me.

Punctuation for Boredom

I wish there existed a punctuation mark that denoted boredom.  We have periods for endings, commas for pauses, semi-colons for continuations, colons for possibilities, exclamation marks for excitement, and question marks for queries. But what about boredom?  We don't have anything to denote boredom.

I'm still anxiously awaiting my finals results.  (C'mon people... grade faster!)  No.  I can wait. It's just a bit disheartening to log in day after day just to look at a bunch of blank space that you know could contain grades.  Then again, it's quite possible that you've experienced this phenomenon yourself, so I'll cease blabbering on about it.

I was once a bigger fan of Twilight than I currently am.  However, I will say with a fair amount of certainty that the band Muse (a group I learned about mostly via Twilight) is growing on me. Not sure if I'll explore beyond their MySpace page, but what I've listened to is interesting.

I walked into work this morning (yet again...) feeling as though I live there (yet again...).

Thanks, retail.  Thanks a lot.  Yes, you've paid me for my time, but you've also knocked any semblance of a Christmas spirit out of my consciousness (among other things I shant mention right now).  It's the thirteenth, and in years past I would have been more than pleased right now to make cookies, break out Christmas lights, and go tree shopping. Now?  I could care less.  The gusto just isn't there.

But then again, there are more important things than traditions that revolve around stuff.

But the gusto seems to have been put into writing the novel.  A new subplot popped into my head just a couple days ago, and it actually fills out a lot of what I've been looking for.

And I still wish there were a way to punctuate boredom...

To (Youth)Work(s) for God

My sister was playing devil's advocate with me the other night about the YouthWorks position I'm applying for.  But when you're on God's side, any devil's advocate question tends to fall flat, because He's already presented you with what anyone else will see as a con, and you're willing to accept it, deal with it, or work with it.  It doesn't completely shut you down as other things might.

This is what I'm facing if I get this job:

- Really, really long days (6:30am - 11 or midnight, with no break)

- Lots of paperwork

- Meeting lots of new people (not all of whom will be keen on meeting me)

- Working for minimum wage. (And I probably made more this past summer than I will this coming summer if this happens.)

But then again, this is what I'm facing if I get this job:

- Really, really long and fun days.  Doing things I will enjoy.

- Befriending fellow staff, moreover fellow Christ followers.

- Meeting and serving countless youth, and their advisors.

- Sharing my witness with (quite possibly) hundreds of people.

If I get this job - it will be the first job I'll be truly honored and privileged to have. There has never been a question in my mind - I want this job with a passion.  The positives outweigh the negatives a million times over.  Because I'll be working for a higher purpose than my own selfish gain.

Three Semesters Down, One to Go

I love how in a heartbeat (and I've mentioned this before) I can go from about ten things to get done, all needing to be done in about ten minutes, to having absolutely nothing to do and a whole month to do it in.

Fall 2008 is officially over!  I submitted my final project this evening, and now I can have a whole month away from school.  Though I guarantee you in about two weeks I'll be complaining of the boredom that has overtaken me due to lack of better mental stimulation.  Though, maybe this break will not be as mentally draining (if you understand the meaning) as ones past. I should love to work with Photoshop (just to make some fun stuff this time), work on more of my story, and read more Bible.  Yes, Bible.

And yes, I used to think reading the Bible was boring.  No more.  Life is too short, and too in need of guidance to ignore it.  That, and when the Spirit gives me the desire, why deny it that? It is perhaps the one thing I've read with the most fervor, the most desire to know. 

I finally scheduled the phone interview with YouthWorks.  I am getting very, very excited.

I use the word "I" too much.  It's making me feel very self-centered. The plan is to be God-centered.  We'll have to work on that.

Welcome to Dying for Retail on Black Friday

Driving in the pitch black of my town around 6:30 am, I made my way steadily towards my place of employment.  Every other business in town was still closed.  But as I got closer, I saw the parking lot lights shining brightly through the trees.  And what did I see once I turned the corner?A mass of cars that should only belong there once the midday sun has risen.  I got out of my car, pulling a black button-down shirt on over my white polo in the morning chill with these words running through my head with the greatest of ironies, "Wear it proudly.  This is what you're working for today."

I entered the store to find it busier than I ever have in my life.  I worked for nearly eight hours. And rarely did the lines let up.  Today went faster than it ever has.  And a couple of my customers even agreed with me that things only get ugly when people get impatient. Because after all, it's only stuff. They won't die if they don't get it.

Welcome to working retail on Black Friday.

Already at his place of employment, a Wal-Mart employee watched as the crowds massed outside the door.  He and five other employees tried to block the doors so that the crowds wouldn't jump the gun.  But they did anyway.  They literally broke down the doors and started running in a few minutes before 5 a.m. so they could get to the sales.

The man was thirty-four years old, and they trampled him.  They trampled him to his death. He was pronounced dead only an hour later.

Welcome to working retail on Black Friday.

What has become of us?  It's only stuff.  You won't die if you don't get it. But apparently you're willing to kill for it. And that is the most despicable thing of all.

Will I See Heaven in Mine?

Highlight of my day:  The realization that I only have one course left to really worry about.

Two others may as well be completely finished.  And the other two I only have one "big" thing left for each, neither of which am I worried about.

Also, Coldplay continues to fascinate me.  They have a new EP out entitled "Prospekt's March". The song "Glass of Water" is awe-inspiring. Go listen if you haven't.

And so, what shall I tell you today, besides the aforementioned?

Shall I tell you I'm working Black Friday?  Shall I tell you that I had an incredible time at dinner tonight just talking with my family?  Shall I tell you that I shared a picture of a scantily clad model to a classroom full of males as part of a presentation I made today (and I happened to be the only girl in said class) to persuade them to use recycled paper?  Shall I tell you what I plan on doing for my final project in Web Design?

No.  I don't think I shall tell you about any of those things.

Instead, I think I shall tell you of the glory it will be to finally see Jesus face to face.  Because it is the one thing that has been on my mind today.  We all have our images of Him in our minds, and the ones people have created for us (which I tend to shun for some reason).  But this is a different image.  I wondered first if I would see the holes in His hands and feet and sides.  Then I wondered what color hair He would have (for I read a book once that depicted Him with blonde hair... but we won't get into details).  I never pictured His earthly being as anything incredible to admire. Because, in fact, it probably was not.  I don't say it to be mean. I say it to be fact.  Because many of us probably feel our own fleshy bodies leave something (or a great many somethings) to be desired. But a Heavenly being?  Have you ever inspired the thought in yourself?  Or maybe it wasn't me who inspired this thought to think about in the first place.  It may very well have been the Spirit.  All I know is that I do not know what He'll look like (I know, convenient for some of you - however you would like to interpret 'convenient').  But it will be beautiful.  More beautiful than anything I have ever laid eyes on.  But the best part?

I can just smile at Him, and He'll smile back, and He'll know everything I was thinking, both good and bad, and we'll know He already took it with Him to the cross.

The Void

I find myself working for the void.  I find myself a prospective employee of a company that, for years, I was never incredibly keen on.  The only reason I'd be willing to work for them is because my parents once did.  But are they proud of it?  What would I be doing for them?  How would I be bettering God's kingdom by working for this company?  I don't know.

How can I work for Him?  Where can I work for Him?  What can I do to prove to the world that I am for His end, and no one else's?  How can I show my allegiance to Him but then continue to obtain my sustenance from other places than Him?

I continually find myself being sucked into the void.  The void that knows it's fun to get new things.  The void that says it's more important to complete homework for an institution than to complete homework He gave me.  The void that creeps into my mind that causes me to say, "Yeah, He still exists, but we'll get back to Him tomorrow.  Once I've crawled out of the void."

How can I control this void?  Truly, I cannot.  But how can I pray for guidance when the void doesn't want me to, and I've succumbed to the void?

I should be succumbing to Him, not the void.  Oh you void with your pretty lights, your colors, your music, your temptations.  You void-things of material bliss that seem never-ending.  How can I tell myself these things are for not?  How can I live right by them, but not be sustained by them?  They don't sustain.  They're a rickety support, doomed to fail.

Lord, give me your eyes.  Give me your eyes to avoid the void.  Tell me the void is for not.  Show me your open door that is for.  Interest me in the things that would please you most.  Push these interests on me like the world pushes their own interests on me.  Make your interests mine.  The You in me wants nothing else.  And the me in me knows that is the way it should be.

But the void keeps creeping in, distracting me.

Procrastinatorator

I have a film analysis due in approximately 34 hours.  I've only written the synopsis.  Why does it seem like this whole semester has been a delicate balance between just getting the darn homework done, and procrastinating out the wazoo?  I haven't a clue.  I'm just very glad there are only three weeks left.  Then, as always happens, I can have a whole month to decide that I actually miss being busy and constantly strapped for time.

It snowed more today, and it was thrilling.  Seeing the white beautifulness on the ground - not to mention fluttering happily through the air - made my day.  I worked on Monday.  Someone referred to it as God's dandruff.  It registered in my mind as a slight insult at the time, though I didn't say that to her.  I was tempted to comment here on it further, but I think I'll just leave it at a bad analogy.

Keep bringing the snow.  I loves it.

First Snow of Fall/Winter '08

I awoke to snow falling this morning.  It was lovely.  Occasionally, I do not prefer driving in snow. But this morning, it was quite refreshing (since I haven't since last winter).  That, and the roads really weren't that bad.  The rest of the day was lovely as well.  There would be breaks in the actual act of the snow, well, snowing. But much to my delight, it would always begin again.

There are three more weeks of school until the semester is finished.  Oh, how I hope it goes well.

Oh, and I took the liberty (since I can) of creating a new header.  I was tempted to word it "coughing Christmas style", and on any other blog I probably would have.  But, I plan on keeping it up, approximately, 'til New Years.  So "holiday" was a more appropriate title.

Elections, Offenses, Green Printing

1) Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States.  He is also the first black man to assume the post.  He also happens to be a self-proclaimed "mutt", which tells me he isn't afraid of his heritage (nor should anyone else be - of his, or their own).

2) Due to my faith, I was challenged (by more than one person) on whom I should be voting for in the Presidential election.  They felt it was, shall we say (and in not so many words), unChristian of me to vote for a party that is known for being more liberal than many of us would like.

3) But it got to the extent that one of them essentially challenged my faith altogether.  He claimed I had pseudo-faith.

4) The whole point of my entire life has become the desire to worship God, and do His work - not to have pseudo-faith.  Needless to say, I was greatly offended by the fact that said person thought I had pseudo-faith.

5) I have very tainted, human faith - nowhere near the perfection God expects.  It is a struggle - but it is a struggle that even the most faithful battle with every day.  But I refuse to believe that because I am less than perfect that I have pseudo-faith.

6) On a lighter note, I've become a fan of the free iTunes downloads.  Not all of them, but I have taken to liking several of the alternative and Christian genre songs.

7) Go check out donotmail.org.  Educate yourself on how much junk mail is actually sent out every year to the United States alone, and what you can do to stop (or for the time being reduce) it.  The statistics are staggering, incredibly disgusting, and will actually make for quite excellent information in my technical report on Green Printing, and why everyone should recycle their paper. (It doesn't biodegrade as fast as you think it does!)

8) To quote John Green, my new favorite author even though I've only read one of his three books - "Best wishes!"

Plot Twist!

I love plot twists, and even more, I love writing them - especially when I wasn't even planning on it!  Seriously, the one I was kind of mulling over the idea of, but the way it plopped out on the paper was kind of like, "Wait... that actually happens?  And that's how?"

The other was completely out of nowhere.  Granted, it isn't a huge plot twist, and doesn't have too entirely much to do with the plot overall, but I think it'll definitely be good for shock value anyway.  It was to me, at least.

So, if you've never written, and you think you might like to, I would highly encourage it.  If anything, it gets brain cells moving, and you improve your vocabulary.  I cannot tell you how helpful it's been to have a dictionary and thesaurus right in the hard-drive-y depths of my computer.  Plus, if you really have a story to tell, TELL IT!  I love stories.  Because no matter how fictional they might be, they really are so, so real in an equal number of nonfiction ways.

23,000 Words and Counting

So I added up all my entries for the story (both the first and second books) and I'm at around 23,000 words.  Not too shabby, considering I thought it'd only be around 10,000 words.  Goes to show you what a good estimator I am.  That, and I have fifteen credit hours to contend with.

But the world continues to depress me, as evidenced by the conversation I had with a friend today.  We're so content to just keep building our materialism on absolutely nothing.  When will this madness end, seriously?

On a happier note, I got a phone interview with YouthWorks!  I am incredibly excited about that.

I have some very GOOD NEWS!

First, I am more than happy to announce that my horrendously strepped out throat is now back (for the most part) to NORMAL!!  YAY!!  School can now resume!  Oh wait.  I still have gobs and gobs of homework to get done.  But I couldn't resist blogging a little first.

Second, I would like to introduce those of you who do not know him to the incredible John Green.  I first read his book "Looking for Alaska" over the summer.  A couple days ago, I also discovered he and his brother, Hank, have a channel on YouTube entitled Vlogbrothers.  Their videos are, to say the least, quite hilarious at times, and they are my first official subscription on YouTube.

Third, have I mentioned the band Tenth Avenue North?  Well, if I haven't in the past, I am now. Their music is incredible.  Go check it out.  Right now.  I purchased their entire album at the coaxing of my little sister.  I was apprehensive.  But I am no longer.  The entire album is excellent, and it was ten bucks well spent.

Fourth, I'm enjoying working on my story.  Yay!  Ermm... no.  You can't read it yet.  It's not done.  Though, I daresay this is the most I've ever written along one story line that actually has a PLOT!  I'll have to combine all my scenes sometime (they're currently in a journal format) and see how many pages I get.  I'm imagining it'll actually be quite a few.  Maybe I'll do that sometime soon, and give you a page count, for kicks.

Fifth, I need to get back to work now.  Homework, to be exact.

Must This Go On?

I believe the sore throat started late Friday, and only got worse.  I went to the doctor on Monday. She prescribed azithromycin.  It is now Thursday.  I am now missing the second day of school this week (which is actually a whole week, since I only have classes two days a week). And I have yet to see signs of a marked improvement. Did I mention I woke up this morning at 3am with a fever?

Did I also mention that I am not happy about this?

No Locks

We requested jelly tonight at dinner, and our server left and came back, saying it would be just a minute, because a manager had to unlock it for him. Of all things that need a lock - jelly? Really?
It posed the question in my head: What if the world had no locks? Anywhere?

Most of us can't fathom that, because we cannot fathom a world that does not have dishonest people.

I fathomed it today. And it was beautiful.

Good News!

I believe one or more of you are literally dying to hear this, so I'm here to tell you - I've got good news!  GOD LOVES YOU!  And He sent His Son to die for you, so you wouldn't have to.  He wanted me to let you know.

I feel myself constantly falling down to sin.  But grace will keep picking me back up, living out a life more pleasing to Christ.

First Day of the Third Semester

It went well.  I even got a few small kinks thrown in for good measure.  I get the feeling there will be an extraordinarily large amount of writing (not to mention editing and formatting) for these few classes I'm taking.

But then again... I'm in college to become, well, a writer.  So, I suppose it is to be expected.  So with that said - bring it on!  I'm game for a little writing!

There have been various times where I've sat in a classroom, just trying to wrap my mind around the concept that I'm not like everyone else in the sense that they're not in this to become writers, who could end up writing for virtually any industry/company. I feel like I'm constantly playing a game of "job inside of a job inside of a job", and I have to figure out exactly where I fit, whereas everyone else can just say, "Oh. It's my job."  Confusing?  Yeah.  Me too.

Coveting Prayer

Greg Nettle, pastor at RiverTree, had this posted on his blog: "I covet your prayers." (He is going on a trip to Africa to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, and to visit an AIDS infected area to give help to the residents there.)

But it struck me as funny: Covet prayer?  You covet my prayers?  I thought coveting was bad.

But read it again: "I covet your prayers".  Yes, the ten commandments say not to covet others' possessions (or family members...), but does it say anything about not coveting other such spiritual help?  I thought about it, and, no.  It doesn't.  So what's the lesson here?  You can covet my prayers for you!  You can covet them all you want!  And I in turn can covet your prayers for me.  Reminds me of a Jack Sparrow quote: "I love weddings!  Drinks all around!"  Only, here, the quote seems to go more like: "I love God!  Prayers all around!"

Are you afraid to pray?  I'll have to admit... I am too at times.  But He's there - all the time. Just waiting for you to pick up the phone...

School Can Hurry Up Now

After having worked two ten-hour days this week (one of them being just today), and the rest of the days having been at least five hours (pick one of the two places of employment), I'm ready for a break.  I realize I might sound like something of a wuss to people who work more than five hours every day.  But you must keep in mind that in any given week, six out of the seven - I'm working.  If not at just one place - then both.  

I relish a complete day off.  And it's tomorrow!  Of course, it's eaten up by an eye appointment, and a football game (which, I did in fact volunteer to help in the concession stands - but only because they have the best hot dogs).

I'm ready to slow down the workaholic behavior.  I'll swap it for schoolaholic behavior.  Engaging brain is more fun than mundanely swiping things across a scanner endlessly.

Guess it's a good thing I've only got four days 'til it starts!

And Where Did the Summer Go?

I haven't a clue.  Where'd it go?  Oh yeah - I was working the whole time!  And luckily, even though (to me) I've been spending gobs of money, I'm still well on my way to paying for spring semester's tuition.  What else did I do? Well, I did read, go to church, go on the mission trip, do VBS, spend time with friends, and erm... write the book!  Yeah!  The book, you might ask?  Oh, it's coming.  The storyline is fairly well hashed out in my mind, I just have to write down pieces that will be coherent to an outsider.  I do have several scenes (or at least the beginnings of scenes) written.  Gotta work on that.

I wonder how much more I could get written if I really work at it before school starts.  I might surprise myself.  Hmm... maybe I'll try it.  And hey, it doesn't have to be perfect.  Not yet at least.

Oh, and happy story here - my sister officially got her first full time teaching job, at a Montessori school just a few miles away.  I'm excited for her.

Breaking Dawn: Finished

I finished Breaking Dawn on Tuesday night.  Technically it was Wednesday morning, but it was only about half an hour past midnight when I finished, so I'm considering it Tuesday night.  As though you really care...

It was good.  And now, I should really like to continue my own novel.

That, and school starts again in nineteen days.  Oh, please help.  I have two semesters to go before that associate's degree is mine.  It is either going to be very pretty, these last two semesters, or get really ugly.  I sincerely hope it is not the latter.  I should like a continuation of the grades I earned the past two semesters, and hopefully a good internship.

And I'm considering getting another job.... once again... 

Would corporate America please stop slowing eating away at my soul?

Breaking Dawn: Halfway Done

Friday night, Laura, Elaine, Megan, and myself all went to Borders for the midnight release of Breaking Dawn, by Stephenie Meyer.  I'm not sure if I'd do it again.  Mind you, the only other midnight book release I've been to was for the last couple Harry Potter book, and I never even bought my own copy, and we didn't go to Borders for them either.

I told Laura she could read (and finish) the book before I did.  Well, the first part didn't happen. I'm to page 471.  As we speak, she's still only in the 200's somewhere.  But, I did promise her she could finish the book before I did.  So I have stopped reading and relinquished the book to her. She'd just better read fast, because the more I talk and think about it, the more I want to keep reading it.

For those who haven't read the series, again, I highly recommend it.  This fourth book definitely has a different feel than the first three (I'm not the only one who thinks this either), but it is still excellent in its own right.

My First Job in a Nutshell

This was a joke in an e-newsletter I receive called "You Make Me Laugh" from Crosswalk.com. I found it highly amusing.  And, unfortunately, I also found it shockingly true of my very first job, which I first started working when I was sixteen.  The instant I turned eighteen, they worked me from eight o'clock in the morning to four in the afternoon without a break.  I quit ten days after I turned eighteen, and I've had numerous nightmares about that job.  If the puns in this joke aren't spot on to what I actually had to do at that job, they're frighteningly close.

I was going to put in bold the ones that were actually true of the job. I'm now finding it a moot point to do so; all but two or three points are true.

Here's the joke:

JOB SEARCH JARGON

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long-time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way...

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen and figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won't answer questions.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT: We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER: We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED: If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. 

Standard of Living

Our standard of living has not changed in the U.S. for some time, but the following quote makes me sick:

You are rich.  I'm not speaking metaphorically or spiritually.  I mean it: You're rich.  If you're reading this book right now, you're most likely among the financially elite of the world and in history -- even if you're from a low-income household in America.  Did you drink clean water today without risk of death or disease?  Are you wearing a pair of shoes?  Do you have a dry, safe place to sleep tonight?  Did you eat today?  You are rich.  You are richer than billions of others.  The Gross National Income per capita in the United States in 2003 was $37,610.  In India it was $530.  In Ethiopia it was $90.

The quote comes from the book Hope Lives by Amber Van Schooneveld.  I discovered the quote on Greg Nettle's blog, "The Roar of Love".

It is sick that we pour so much of our own money into utilities so that we can have that higher standard of living.  I'm not saying we shouldn't have the higher standard of living, but must it cost so much? How much of our annual salaries do we pour out into ventures, like utilities that we take for granted, and give the money to people on the other end of that bill who probably don't need that much in the first place?

Am I making sense?  I just know that quote rumbles deep dread and unease in my soul. Knowing that all of the money I make, American society will tell me to keep for myself, while there really are little kids starving in Ethiopia.  I hate the quotes I hear like, "Drink your beer. There are sober kids in India."  What is that supposed to mean? To me, for people to say that, is revolting. Why are we so selfish? Use what you have; don't be wasteful. But don't binge just because you might be able to.  It's disgusting.

Jars of Clay: Dead Man (Carry Me)

This song tickles my fancy late at night, as that happens to be the time.  I'm sure it would tickle at other times of the day as well.  I thought I'd throw down the lyrics.  Maybe it'll tickle a fancy somewhere in you, too.

January 1, I've got a lot of this on my mind. I'm lookin' at my body through a new spy satellite. Try to lift a finger but I don't think I can make the call. So tell me if I move, 'cause I don't feel anything at all.

So carry me, I'm just a dead man lying on the carpet; can't find a heartbeat. Make me breathe. I want to be a new man.  Tired of the old one.  Off with the old plan.

I woke up from a dream about an empty funeral.  But it was better than the party full of people I don't really know.  Well they've got hearts to break and burn, dirty hands to feel the earth.  Got something in my veins but I can't seem to make it work.  Won't work...

So carry me, I'm just a dead man lying on the carpet; can't find a heartbeat.  Make me breathe.  I want to be a new man.  Tired of the old one.  Out with the old plan.

Can you find a beat inside of me?

Any pulse?

Getting worse?

Any pulse?

Getting worse?

Inside of me?

Can you find a beat?

Carry me, I'm just a dead man lying on the carpet; can't find a heartbeat.  Make me breathe. I want to be a new man.  Tired of the old one.  Off with the old plan.

Carry me, I'm just a dead man lying on the carpet; can't find a heartbeat.  Make me breathe.  I want to be a new man.  Tired of the old one.  Out with the old plan.

It's a catchy little tune.  Catchy little idea too, when you think about it.

Breaking Dawn: Pre-Ordered

I don't know that I've ever been this excited about a book before.  I mean, come on.  It's a book. However, if it's as good as its three precursors, I'm sure Breaking Dawn will not disappoint.  So I pre-ordered myself one copy, along with two other copies for two other friends.  And we're talking about (read: planning on) going to the release party all dressed up too.

Again, I tell you: Never before have I been so excited about a book.  Save maybe, for the one I'm writing.  And even that one still has some great excitement that hasn't bubbled over yet.  No, the day I find out it's actually getting published will be shocking.

That, and I did break down and return to Bath & Body Works.  Sea Island Cotton just wouldn't stay off my mind.  And, as per a little special they were running at the store, I had an Eau de Toilette (Wild Honeysuckle scent) thrown in for free.  And for the life of me, I don't think I could pronounce "eau de toilette" properly to save my life.  Probably because no one else can either.

*Shrug.*  I just know I'm really excited for Sunday school tomorrow.  Both my sisters will be there, and a friend of mine is coming, who hasn't come in years.

Sea Island Cotton

Gotta say it - I don't go in Bath & Body Works that often, but when I do.... it's quite tempting.  I went today with my sisters (including the Monties) and "fell in love" with a new (to me) scent they have: Sea Island Cotton.  I was quite tempted to buy the body splash right then and there. Big bottle - it'd probably last me for quite a while.  It was twelve dollars.  I may just have to consider it a little more.  And possibly some of the companion lotion.

That, and I went to bed last night having worked on my story a little.  And this morning I woke up with several new ideas for a family of characters, which I knew would be somewhat imminent, I just hadn't actually taken the time to think about them yet.  Some of the ideas were in my head when I woke up, some I added as the day went on.  But all in all - quite productive.

I hope it's a slow night at work.  The creative juices are flowing, and I don't want to stop.  That, and I never thought I'd say this, but it's actually refreshing to eat less, not more.

Reception Perceptions

My older sister and I went up to a friend's wedding reception today in Cleveland.  She and her now-hubby actually got married a couple weeks ago, but they decided to hold a reception for people who couldn't make it to Nashville for their wedding.

Let's just say that the day before going to the reception was, in many ways, more fun than the reception itself.  We went shopping for a dress for me (and if you know me, that is a rarity). But I actually felt like wearing a dress to this thing.  I found a cute black and white knee-length dress, sleeveless, and the neck is rather low cut.  Not exactly my thing, but we pinned it (it was a wee bit better that way).

Don't get me wrong; the reception was okay.  The food was good, and the few people we did have somewhat forced conversation with were nice.  We just didn't know anyone.  Period.  Save for the bride.  And of course, she's always the center (or near center) of attention.

It's just kind of funny how anticlimactic your whole day can become once situations are out of your control.  But, for the record, the new dress was only $30 with employee discount, flippin' cute, and only a size 16! Smaller than what it would have been in the past.  *Does little happy dance*

If Everyone Knew Just One Thing About You

If everyone you ever met, ever passed on the street corner, ever talked with for five minutes but never saw again in your life, ever stood behind in line of, ever had knowledge of your very existence knew one thing about you.... what would it be?

What is the one, most important thing you would want to tell people about yourself?  Out of all the things that might matter to you, that might help to define you, what is the one thing at the top of that list - the one thing that you would, out of all other things - want them to know?  Do you have such a thing that defines you?

If anyone ever knows anything about me, I would want them to know this:  That I am for God, for Jesus, and for the Spirit.  

Everything else I know in this existence is virtually meaningless for the long haul, more insignificant than even an afterthought when compared to the glory and love such an amazing God has, and freely gives to us.

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

The first night of the mission trip, Jordan, one of the YouthWorks staff challenged us to come with a goal for the week.  I started writing mine with "Lord, help me step out of my comfort zone..."

And I stopped writing.  Where would I be stepping from there?  What words could I write that would convey what I wanted to accomplish that week?  My mind was completely blank.  But then these words came to me, to finish my goal "and into your's."

Into God's comfort zone?  Yeah, I'll take it.  It might not be my own personal thing.  But I gotta believe that if He really is my Creator, and Father, and Savior, He's not going to let something happen to me that isn't supposed to if I'm really living, and moving, and having my being in His name.

So I'll pose the same challenge to you, as I did to my church this morning in my bit of the sermon: Step out of your comfort zone, and into God's.  It's challenging, to say the least.  But at the end of the day, there's really nothing more gratifying.  Anything earthly just feels anticlimactic next to the glory God can show us.

Dry Spell Turned Spirit Oasis

Yes, the Charleston trip was lovely.  But then I was assigned the task (which, I knew about) of speaking on Sunday (this coming) about a particular part of the trip that affected me.  I went through a day or so of withdrawal after we got back from the trip - because I missed it so much. But for the past couple days, I've felt rather dead, spiritually speaking.  Work sucked the life out of me.

And I'm supposed to talk about how God worked through me this past week?  I don't remember. I haven't the slightest clue of what I'm supposed to say - and I'm speaking for the SERMON. Granted, there will be four others with me - but STILL.  I'm getting up in front of my entire congregation and speaking to them about a trip that is now so far in the back of my mind for some reason, that I can't think of one logical thing to say.

I'd figured out as much what verses I was going to reference, but I wasn't sure what I was going to say for my own personal part.  And then it hit me - the spirit moves in ways we do not expect.  I admitted aloud to my sister that I was going through a dry spell.  And then not ten minutes later, the spirit filled me so much, and I knew instantly what I was going to say.

And would you know, but I checked my school email, and one of my classmates (not to mention good friend) had emailed, asking for my screenname, and cell phone number, because she'd lost them.  But the best part, resting at the end of that email were the simple words, "I miss yall...plus I got great news....I GOT SAVED."

ELATION abounding.  Tears of joy flowed freely down my face.  Praise to the King of Kings!

MOVE: Charleston Pictures

To see some pictures from the Charleston trip, check them out here.

We had a conglomeration of three digital cameras with us on the trip: Mine, Sue's, and Elaine's.  I think we all probably took pictures on everyone else's cameras at one point or another.  In any case, the trip was well-documented.

The Design is ALIVE!

The new header is officially up - and I WILL stop playing with it now!

My brain was too focused on making the header look something akin to what was already there, so I decided I really needed to change it up, and get away from orange, green, and gray.  So I began browsing the iPhoto gallery, and discovered a picture my sister took at the ALIVE festival this year.  And, it ended up working pretty well, if I do say so myself.  The rest of the color combinations (particularly the purple sidebar) surprised me, but they really work quite well together, so why change a good thing?

Enjoy.  Now on to updating links and whatnot.  YouthWorks - go check it out!  The mission trip was incredible.  Refer to "To Laud My God" for a little more trip recap.  Long story short:  The trip was amazing, and the YouthWorks staff who were there were a real inspiration to me.  I would love to be on their staff next summer.  They would be very long days, but I'm thinking they would be more than rewarding.  Even now, today, not even a few days back from the trip and I felt so blah and unproductive.  There'd never be a dull moment working with YouthWorks.  I wouldn't be working some corporate American clock, logging hours to get a paycheck.  I'd be out in the world - completely on God's time - and that would be wonderful. 

MOVE: The Charleston Trip

This mission trip to Charleston, West Virginia has been in the works for several months, and now it has finally come to pass. There were five of us who went from my church: Renee, Elaine, Laura, and Sue and I, who went as leaders.  I was a bit apprehensive about the whole thing, but I am no longer.

Because it was amazing.

The theme verse for the week was Acts 17:28: "For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Thus, MOVE takes its place in the post title.

At the time (at several times) really, it didn't feel that amazing.  It was hot, we all got sunburnt, and many times it didn't feel like we were really reaching the kids we were supposed to be helping.  We spent the entire week at the Paul Lawrence Dunbar Center, working with an organization called Communities Closing the Gap.  The demographic of children who attend there is entirely African American, so it was a slight change of pace, coming from a predominantly Caucasian area.  But to me, race is really a non-issue.  We're all human beings, all needing the love of Christ.  I have several black friends, but I never think about the fact unless someone brings it up.  One of the ladies who came to greet us the first day had these simple words to say,"Some are good kids, and some are not so good kids."  Those words pretty much sum up the week for me.  There were some kids who were irresistibly cute, and would take advantage of piggyback rides every chance they got (even when none of us had a free back). Others were less interested in hanging around us, which was fine too.

My buddy for the week was Izhane.  I met her the first day, and we played every day after that. Granted, there were others I would give rides to, and play with.  But Izhane was the one who was there constantly.  By Friday, she'd pretty much decided she was going to do everything with me, which was fine, and I more than loved it.

If one thing was presented to me clearly this week, it was the reinforcement of the fact that I really do want to live my life (and gear my career) for God.  The thought of having to return to work put a huge damper on my mind.  The thought of people thinking I ought to climb corporate ladders for a living is desolating to my livelihood.  I cringe at the very thought, because each step I would take in that direction would pull me farther and farther from my Father, when all the while I'm still just trying to get closer to Him.

The YouthWorks staff were an incredible group.  And they're all my age.  There really was never a question in my mind once I started the trip about whether I'd ever want to be on the YouthWorks staff.  The idea of applying for next summer popped into my head around Monday or Tuesday of the trip, and never once was there a negative thought about all the work I'd have to do being with YouthWorks. Because it would all be for God.  I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard - I know it will be, and very tiring. But it would be a good tired, a gratifying tired.  A for God tired.  And I'd rather be tired for Christ more than anyone or anything else.

Changing the Design

Ever since I discovered that Blogger will let you add your own banner to the top of the blog, my mind immediately ran an impossibly large amount of thoughts through it, all having to do with creating the perfect banner to go along with the blog.  And so, I have been trying to create said banner, but with no success.  I need to nail the perfect pixel dimensions first, then I'll really have something to work from.

But it's going to have to sit on the back burner for now.  I leave for a mission trip tomorrow, haven't packed, and I won't be back until the fourth.  So whilst I'm out, my mind can subconsciously mull it over, and then when I get back, hopefully I'll have something a tad more creative than my first two (failed) attempts.

Other than that, I had a semi-horrible dream two nights ago.  I dreamed my dad wouldn't let me go out drinking for my birthday.  Seeing as I will, in reality, be 21 on my next birthday, I thought I'd maybe get a couple drinks, just because I'm legally allowed now.  But that dream really mangled the thought.  I informed my dad of said dream this morning.  He was amused, but in not so many words reassured me that no such thing would actually occur on my birthday. For the record, alcohol does not have great appeal to me, but I thought I'd savor the occasion anyway, just because birthdays for me have become rather bland.  It's a fairly anti-climactic thing to look forward to, I suppose.

It's funny.  When you turn 18, you're legally no longer a minor, but what are you really?  It isn't until you turn 21 that you're totally "in the club", as it were, when it comes to legalities (at least in the states).  So what, really, are the 18, 19, and 20-year-olds?  We've been told we're no longer minors, yet we're not full-fledged adults yet, in the legal sense, until we hit 21.

Weird.  Another question: Since this world defines itself by opposites, what is the opposite of a minor?  A major?  No one has ever told me.  I'm not sure anyone really knows.  To me, it almost seems some arbitrary age someone picked years ago and said, "Alright, I guess they've gained the knowledge by this age to act half responsible.  And for the half that aren't, well, maybe they'll eventually gain the insight the hard way."

Giving Up Pop for the Long Haul, Hopefully

It's not lent, this much is true.  For the past, oh pick seven or eight years, I've occasionally tried to give up pop for lent.  Sometimes with luck, sometimes with failure.

So far, it's not lent, and I'm not failing!  In many ways, it feels different to give up pop this time of year.  Or maybe it's my mindset now.  I'm not giving up pop just to pick it back up again eventually, at some predetermined date.  I'm really going to try and give it up indefinitely. They say you can actually lose a lot of weight (well, some anyway) just by not drinking pop.

I went to Chick-fil-a today with my mom, and now that I'm recollecting it, it was quite a freeing experience in a way to just get water and the entree instead of a whole meal with pop.  Less money spent, less calories taken in - works for me!

Hopefully I can continue with this trend.  Before, it was hard for me to give it up.  It was a daily struggle, and inner turmoil (temptation) boiled up inside my mind whenever a Coke bottle appeared on the kitchen table at dinner.  But now, for some reason, it doesn't appeal nearly as much to me.  The temptation isn't totally gone, but it seems to be greatly reduced.  Maybe it's not just the knowledge of knowing that I'll have failed at giving it up, but that I'll have failed at something even greater. What that something greater is though, I do not know.

Cycling Escapades: Episode 1

So, interesting little things (or maybe even some big things) along my bike routes have piqued my interest enough that I've decided to start a little miniseries of blog posts entitled "Cycling Escapades".  Cycling, because that's the vehicle that got me to that particular location.

Escapades, because I often bike further, faster, and more dangerously than my mother would approve of.   Enjoy!  FYI: I may or may not photoshop the pictures in this series.  If I do tweak them, it'll only be to change lighting and add contrast.  These first three are unaltered, and you can probably tell; it was a rather overcast day.

I haven't seen the movie Sweeney Todd, but apparently my little sister would like to very much. Now if only I can find a street named "Fleet".  That would be flippin' hilarious.

I thought it was a semi cool view, over the lake.  

Random wild flowers.  Quite wispy, tall, and purple.

The Temple Gate Called Beautiful

For the record, I've never read the book of Acts before, so I decided I would.  I read the first, oh, twelve chapters or so in one sitting, but that's beside the point.  The first section of chapter 3 hit me particularly hard, so I will rehash it for you right here:

Acts 3:1-10

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer - at three in the afternoon.  Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts.  When he saw Peter and John about the enter, he asked them for money.  Peter looked straight at him, as did John.  Then Peter said, "Look, at us!"  So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.  Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you.  In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, walk."  Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped to his feet and began to walk.  Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.  When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

All Peter said was, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you.  In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, walk."

That's IT!  That's ALL he said - and the man walked for the first time in his life.  This amazes me; shocks me to the very core.  For Peter to have absolutely nothing tangible, but to have such faith in God that the Spirit's presence heals this man in virtually a heartbeat!

What is wrong with me?  As much as I've felt the call, I'm still such a doubter.  We've given our sick and our lame over to the medical profession; and it's always a toss up as to if they really heal to even a half better state than they were previously.  If we truly were faithful, without any doubt, would we really be able to heal like Peter?

A Rush of Sweat to the Face

So weight has always been an issue with me.  And there's part of me that thinks it will always continue to be.  But there's also part of me that thinks I really can change my eating and exercising habits, if I'm really vigilant.  Never before have I prayed about this stuff.  It seems the things I pray about become increasingly trivial.  God tells us we can pray about virtually anything; nothing is too trivial for Him.  Maybe it's the sense of humility I seem to have developed (thanks to the Spirit) that makes the things I pray about feel so trivial. However, because we can come to Him with anything - I'm really going to try and come to Him with this much more often, along with other things, of course.

To cut to the chase - I went for two fairly decent bike rides today (both were several miles in length), and I walked Dori.  I'm just hoping I burned off the Cinnabon I also ate today.  But when I think about it, that was about all I ate today, give or take...  I just wish I knew how many stinking calories were in one.  Probably many more than I wish to think about.

The goal for this summer is to loose weight, and earn money.  I already have enough for Fall semester.  Now I just have Spring semester to go.  I would love for my best friend at school, Michelle, to see me again after summer hiatus and go, "Whoa!  You lost weight!"

Viva la Vida

I wanted to get a little more in-depth with this post, but since I must work in less than an hour, I'll keep it short.

• Viva la Vida and Death and All His Friends is an extremely good album.  Coldplay continues to be an incredibly talented band.  I have yet to encounter a song of theirs which I do not like.
• I would have gone to ALIVE today, but I had to work.
• I'm continuing to save myself until marriage.  I don't care how many people tell me (or at least think) I won't find a fellow virgin to marry.  I will.
• I'm still quite anxious for Breaking Dawn to come out.  I will reread the first three again before it does, as Laura and I have decided she will read it first, since she read the series before I did.
• I'm getting closer to 21 every day.  I have about a week less than three months to go.  I'm getting quite excited for a REAL Strawberry Daiquiri.

Living the Dream

I'm not exactly sure who's dream this is I'm living, but I'm living it.  I worked JR's today, closing.  It is now 11:41pm according to Appleton's clock (which, I might add, is slow).  And I must be up and to Kmart by 8am tomorrow.  At least I'm only working until noon there.  I'm told it's an easy shift.  Then, JR's again tomorrow night, 5 to close.

Oh, it's going to be fun.  Like I said: Living the dream, working my arse off.  No seriously, quite literally.  Most, if not all, of my capris are loose fitting.  I distinctly recall a more "fitted" feel from last year.  Yay for loosing weight and not even trying that hard.  SCORE!  Okay, I'm done.

And, for your guilty pleasure, if you're a Twilight fan, check out this new clip MTV has released, which I guarantee you've probably already seen: Ballet Studio Scene.  Oh, August 2nd, and December 12th, your dates cannot come soon enough, so I shall just sit back with eager anticipation until you do.

And, an awesome parting verse, because my friend Michele rocks my socks (as does the man who spoke it, of course): (John 6:63) The Spirit gives life, the flesh counts for nothing.  The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.

You hear that?  The flesh is useless without the spirit inside it!!  Oh so awesome.

Violet Hill

I gotta admit, I'm not a "religious" music listener, meaning that I do not really follow particular bands and buy all their albums.  Save for one: Coldplay.  Granted, I was not hooked on them when they first broke the U.S. music scene, but I know now for a fact that I've liked them for several years.  When in Hawaii, I took it upon myself to purchase all three (at the time) of their albums off iTunes. 

I must now share with you my growing infatuation with the song Violet Hill off their latest album, Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, which I have already pre-ordered (a first, ever, for me, with any music).  The lyrics fit almost perfectly with what I am now envisioning as the opening prologue for the novel I'm writing, and quite possibly a recurring theme throughout the whole thing.  Of course, it is still in infantile stages.  But it is growing.

If you haven't tried Coldplay, I highly recommend them.  Their aforementioned latest album is going to be released, in full, on June 17th.

How Much are Your Menthol Lights?

So I had an excellent day today (seven hours, but it honestly didn't feel that long), working with Leigh.  We were swapping stories, mostly Leigh telling me hers, and I took notes (four whole pages if you can believe it).  From them, I've been inspired to write yet another book. But, we'll see if it actually happens.

So, later in the day, Kristin had come in (around three), and sometime shortly thereafter, this little old lady comes to the window and asks, as serious as can be, "How much are your Marlboro Menthol Lights?"  Maybe Marlboro wasn't the brand, but I distinctly remember the Menthol Lights part.  I just looked at her, slightly aghast, and then said, "We don't sell cigarettes here." (This was JR's, mind you, not Kmart.  Kmart does, unfortunately, sell cigarettes.)

She didn't believe me.  "But they just bought food here!" she said.  Indeed, an older gentleman and their son (I assume) had purchased a few things earlier.  "Well, we don't sell cigarettes.  But the Speedway does," I said.  So she toddled (yes, toddled; she was rather old and slow) over to the Speedway, and a few minutes later we saw her walking back across the parking lot - with the Menthol Lights.

Needless to say, we got a laugh out of it.  Every time someone asks me if I can get them cigarettes, I'm always tempted to say, "But you don't smoke!"

Synod Assembly

I had the great pleasure these past couple days of attending the Northeastern Ohio ELCA Synod Assembly, in Akron, Ohio.

Mind you, I am not one for pomp.  All the clergy dressed in their proper attire was a bit unnerving, not to mention the appearance of some gaudy-looking crosses worn by more prominent members.  Don't ask me why it bugs me - I don't know.  I suppose maybe because I know Jesus probably never wore anything like that while down here on earth.  My nature is to be modest.  When I see such things, it strikes a nerve of great unease.  I would much rather be seen taking out the trash than wear some of the outfits I witnessed this weekend.  I am not ashamed of the cross.  But I am put ill at ease with the sight of gaudy crosses.  Jesus' real cross was anything but.

With that said, aside from some of the attire, I did enjoy the assembly.  Particularly the worship service following Friday's assembly.  The church, Holy Trinity Lutheran, in Akron, was positively beautiful.  Again, there was quite a bit of pomp here as well, and being the lucky kid I am, my group was the last in, yet ended up having to sit in the very front; that's where the only open seats were.  I was rather put off at first by it.  But then, for some inexplicable reason, it grew on me.  The organ was amazing, as was the organist.  The sermon was also excellent (given by our Synod bishop Elizabeth Eaton, who is quite charismatic if you've not met her).

We also had communion that evening.  Right after I'd taken mine and sat back down, this incredibly wonderful feeling overwhelmed me.  There I was in a beautiful sanctuary surrounded by hundreds of other Christians, only a handful of whom I knew.  But it didn't matter.  We were all there for the same reason: To worship this wonderful God we can call ours.  It was as though time had stopped, and the service could just keep going on, never ceasing.  I cannot pin the awe to any particular tangible thing, because it was Spirit work (which makes it all the more awesome).

Never before have I been so moved by a worship service.  I can only hope/wish/pray that I could experience more just like it, if not better.  As we were leaving, I couldn't help but wonder if that might be like what church in heaven is like.  (Only I know it's probably a million times better.)

Twilight: the First Three

Why is it that whenever I'm done reading a book (or books, if it's a series) I somehow feel rather sad?  I finished speed reading Eclipse last night, the third book in the Twilight series, after also racing through the first two.  I gotta say it:  They were excellent.  The suspense at the end of New Moon makes up for all the heartbreak and slow action in the middle.  But the ending of Eclipse just tore my heart out.  I finished the book, shut it, and started crying.

Don't get me wrong though.  As of right now, concerning the Twilight series, I definitely want Bella and Edward to be together.  But Jacob's epilogue in Eclipse really made me sad.

All through reading this series, I kept thinking to myself, "Wow.  I really do like these books. But they're not real!"  I have to keep reminding myself that there are no such things as vampires or werewolves.  I guess I can take one real thing from them though: I'm praying I never have to decide between two potential guys, who would both be good choices as boyfriend/spouse material.

*Nod*.  With that said, I shouldn't be so sad.  The fourth book is coming out in August!

Quite Elated

I believe I about started to hyperventilate last night, staring at the computer screen.  Logged into my Student Access at Stark State, I was expecting 4 A's to be staring out at me.  But when I saw that fifth one appear on the screen next to the others, I let out a silent scream.

I did it.  Another 4.0 for the books.  And I seriously thought that fifth one would be a B.

That, and I have officially finished reading Twilight.  And it was sooo good.  But, I must sleep before commencing with New Moon.  Reading 498 pages, the entire book, in a span of fourteen hours (about four of which I had to devote to sleep, and other necessary bodily function), has left me slightly out of it.

Half Done

I instantly wanted to write the words "half baked" after "half done".  I don't know why.  Well, maybe I will.  In all essence, my diploma is half baked.  The other half is still baking.  But then, that's not technically true.  The courses that lead to the diploma don't actually start baking until I begin taking them.  So uhh.... they're rising.  Covered with the dishcloth of summer break, and many hours spent at JR's and Kmart, they're rising.  Ever so slowly.  Nod.

Only two more projects and one presentation to go, and I will be officially half way to my very own associate's degree!  YAY!!  Of course, if you want to get technical, I'm actually a little more than halfway there, thanks to my credits which transferred from Kent Stark. 

But anyway.  To digress to today.... it was good.  Kinda funny and quirky and "ugh"like in its own right, but it turned out quite well.  After a rather major (at the time) SNAFU with my interviewing final, I ended up getting an 88% on it.  I can't complain to that!

I cannot wait to start reading "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer.  My little sister, whom I seem to have developed the reading habits of because we're currently sharing a room, has already read all three books in the series (and there are more to come).  We are both now eagerly anticipating the release of the first movie (December 12th, 2008).  See?  This is how pathetic I am.  I haven't even read the book yet, but I'm already waaaay too excited about it.  I'm a sucker for romance.  What can I say?

I just wish I could have a little romance of my own.... for real.  

Not for fake.

Life Goes On, Part I

So, I didn't get the scholarship.  I was quite disgruntled over it for about 15 minutes. But, it's now fading fast.  Which is good.

I've become quite appreciative of the phrase "life goes on".    Most downs in life are somewhat gradual for me.  But some, like this one, are particularly steep.  But then the "life goes on" phrase kicks in, and I realize one thing:  I haven't died.  Indeed, the world has not come to an end.  My clock hasn't stopped ticking, the sun has never stopped shining, and the people have not ceased to be talking, reading, singing, and laughing around me.  So why should I, just because of one single thing?

I wrote the line "that just killed my day" to my professor, when I informed her that I hadn't won the scholarship.  But, shortly after sending the email, another thought crossed my mind:  It isn't really my day is it?  I didn't create it.  I had essentially nothing to do with it.  I'm just passing through it and something bad has happened to have happened.

Yes, it's God's day.  Why should I have any reason to feel down when, through it all, I still have God?  This is just silly manmade stuff I'm getting in over my head about, and there is absolutely no need to.

And, through writing and editing this whole post (which actually took the better part of forty-five minutes to adequately compose to my satisfaction), I've decided that I lack the liking for strawberry flavored milk.

Crosscards

My friend Casey introduced me to this wonderful site while I was in Hawaii: www.crosscards.com.  Please go, if for no other reason than to enjoy the beautiful monthly desktop backgrounds.

After a dream I had one night, I woke up with this thought:  Everything manmade will eventually go to ruin, yet in the meantime it requires much maintenance.  But the things God created for this earth are perpetually self-sustaining, requiring no maintenance whatsoever.  Look at the trees and flowers.  They blossom, thrive, fall away, and reappear again the next season; no human maintenance required.  God is truly awesome.

Someone I Knew Once

Have you ever met someone in your life whom you did not get to know for very long, but then they were out of the present's picture again?  And then, have you ever found yourself thinking about said person(s) for days, weeks, months, even years to come?  Let me elaborate.

When I was going into eighth grade (I think it was eighth grade), I went to Geauga Lake with my church youth group.  One of my friends from church had brought a friend with her.  I took a liking to this friend.  But apart from that day, I've never seen him again.  Actually, that's not accurate.  I think I encountered him only once in a grocery store several months later.  But, it was only once.  But I thought about him a lot after the fact.

Same type of scenario, only a few years later:  As you all know, I was in Hawaii for a little less than a year.  While in Hawaii, I went to a Lutheran church there, and met the intern pastor.  He was nice.  I went to a bible study he was holding one time.  We were studying the battle of Jericho, and there were only four of us at the study.  After it was finished, we hung around, a few more people joined us, and we played some sort of game.  For the life of me, I do not remember what it was called (though, I do recall it was quite fun, and I should like to play it again).  We ended up staying at the church until around 1 a.m. playing this game.  At the time, I didn't think of this intern as anything other than a future pastor.  His year was up about a month after I arrived in Hawaii, so he left and returned to seminary.

So, why now do I keep thinking about him so much?  I seem to have developed something of a delayed-reaction crush on him, and it seems to have gone in spurts for the past few months.  Mind you, the rest of the time I was in Hawaii, I don't recall having paid the notion of him any mind whatsoever.  It's only now that I'm back in Ohio that I've started thinking about him again.  And what are the odds I'll actually talk to him again?  

That, and it all seems so long ago that I actually met him.  So, has anyone else ever had this same type of thing happen to them?  If, in the off chance that intern happens to be reading this, I would quite enjoy the chance to talk to you again, through whatever medium which may be available at present.

On a more not-quite-so-pipe-dreamlike note, they're announcing the NEO STC scholarship recipients tomorrow.  One thousand bucks.  I could really use the money.

Forgiveness = Elation

I cannot believe that God does not answer prayer.  After praying this weekend, multiple times, I walked into my interviewing class with the livid friend I mentioned in the previous post.  Since the day in question where I lost my mouth, we haven't spoken much, if at all.  I began to fear today was going to be the worst of all of them (or at least that things hadn't gotten any better), when she had more short words to say after I implied as much that I'd rather have someone else interview me for the coming project in the class, as she was going to, and I didn't want either of our grades to falter because she was still angry with me.  (In it's own right, it's a long story, so I won't go into details.)

To make a long story short, I get the feeling Purell somehow plays into it.  For those who know me and my little idiosyncrasies, I tend to pour a tiny amount of water on my hands when I feel they are too dry, and I have no lotion.  I had no intention of doing that today, as I had juice with me, and my hands didn't feel all that dry.  But my friend, who had pulled out a small bottle of Purell, remembered that I do this sometimes, and offered me some.

I don't know if that Purell was some random act of God, but shortly after I took it, and we'd moved on to discussing questions to a group quiz, I suddenly heard a, "Krista..." emitting from her.  I turned around, and she said, "I'm sorry."

I don't know that I have ever felt such an elation before in my life.  To have lost a friend in such a manner but then get her back is an awesome thing.  

Story of my Tongue's Life

God warns us of pride, and of having it, if I'm not mistaken. Apparently I still have too much. And today's incident would hold to the saying "Pride comes before the fall".  I was all proud of myself for having held my tongue for a couple weeks.  I was really trying to watch what I said.  And for the most part, I think I did alright.

Save for today.  I screwed up, and the moment I said it, I knew it. But it was too late.  My friend is now livid with me, and claimed (at the time) that she was no longer going to be my friend.  I sincerely hope this is not the case, because I really do love her dearly, and would never want bad things for her.  What I said was not out of hate, or to get a negative reaction from her.  As another one of my friends put it, it's simply because of how I'm wired that I act brashly the way I do.  That, and I'm still working on how to rewire myself so as to not say things which insult others, and as a consequence, make me feel bad that I even said it in the first place.

I should think it is an improvement on my part though, that I am at least realizing that what I said should never have been uttered in the first place.  Now... as to the actually not uttering part.  It needs work.  A lot.   And to this friend, if in fact you are reading (you know who you are):  I'm sorry.  I bawled my eyes out after you left, and I've felt horrible about it all day.  What doesn't break us will make us a lot stronger, and your chastisement made me a lot stronger.  I so wish you can forgive me.

Cookies, Salad, and SoBe. Can I do no better?

This really is pathetic.  My family is tight on money as it is, yet I'm finding the urge to spend frivolous amounts of money on food while at school.  Granted, some people probably don't have a second thought about spending upwards of five dollars on lunch every day.  And it's not that I do spend this much every day.  I just felt particularly bad about it today.  Two dollars for a 20 oz bottle comprised essentially of sugar water?  Even when it's not on sale, I could buy eight packets of Ramen noodles for that amount, and have lunch for two weeks (granted, it isn't the healthiest thing either, but that's another story).  The point is this:  How can I get on America's case for over-consumption when I myself am guilty of it?  It really just needs to end - for everyone.  

The salad was a bit healthier than I've had in the past.  But it was the most expensive of all.

Patience

Does it ever seem like the job/car/vacation/computer/lifestyle/goal weight/picksomething you really wanted always evaded you, even though you tried with the best of your abilities to obtain it? That has happened to me more than once.

But then - has it ever happened that once you stop wanting one or more of the aforementioned things - you suddenly get it? I feel as though that has been happening more and more to me. When I was little I always wanted a laptop - they were so nifty looking. And now, ten years later or so, I've finally got one - and it has been serving me quite well. The same thing also recently happened with a job.  I applied several years back at a local family-owned ice cream shop, wanting the job quite a lot. I didn't get it. But now, I just recently applied for this season - and I got it. How do you like that? It's interesting though. I don't know that I want the job now nearly as bad as I wanted it several years ago. It's not to say I won't enjoy working there now (because I will), it's just that I know I was a lot more disappointed several years ago over not getting it than if I hadn't gotten it now.

So let us see what happens with these two: I should very much like to get married (though maybe not right this moment), and get a car. I could really use the car right now, or so this gas-guzzling, can't-get-anywhere-fast-enough world would lead me to believe. Getting married can wait. I'm only twenty, and I need to find the right guy first (or he needs to find me...). The car can also wait, because I honestly do not have enough money, and a new new car will be sweet.

I'm just curious though - when these two things finally do happen, am I going to be nearly as excited about them then as I am now? I should think so. At least about getting married anyway. The first time I got a car was pretty exciting too; and it was only new to me, already having been ten years old at the time.

I guess these are just more examples of one fact: No matter how we might think our abilities can get us what we want, God is in control.  And He'll give these things in due time if you really do want them, and can use them well.

Father and Brother

There are only two people in the world who can claim the title as both dad and brother to me. And none of us thought it was possible to have a dad who was also your brother.... so get this:

I have the earthly dad, the computer nerd, David. That's what he calls himself anyway. But it dawned on me today, that he's also a brother of mine - a brother in Christ.

Then there's the real dad: the creator of the universe, and the earth I'm living on right now - Jesus. It feels really good to say that. Granted, there is more to God than just Jesus, but since He's God - He's also dad. But then, He's also saying that whoever does His will is His brother or sister. (Mark 3:35)

So cool. I feel that much closer now.

"Please Excuse Me While I Edit Myself in Public"

In the words of my high school sophomore english teacher, please excuse me while I edit myself in public. I'm not the first to admit it, and this probably isn't the first time I've admitted it: I am by no means perfect. And thus, I'll restart this blog in its original direction with a fair amount of humility. Even though I'm going towards a less structured, more lackadaisical feel with this blog, I'm still finding myself drawn towards something that isn't just some mindless wondering. All of my wondering has purpose. I spent the better part of three hours explaining this idea, along with several others, to a friend rather recently. Granted, I do wonder about random, fairly pointless, stuff. But pretty soon it goes by the wayside.

Nah.... I'm still curious about God, and my Savior. So, sorry to those of you who were looking for something slightly more appealing to secular interests. I'm still probably not headed there with this blog. God is still reading, regardless of what I write, so I'd like it to be something a bit more glorifying to Him, rather than just figuratively throwing Him out the window with this blog, when right next door, I'm lauding Him. 'Twould be a bit hypocritical. I'll make no bones about it - I am still hypocritical, even when I don't mean to be. There may be a few posts on here He's not going to be particularly happy to see, but they'll be there, just because I'm another faulty human.

Thus the editing myself in public - I am a Christian, but I am still human, as are all of them. But I'd like to embrace the embodiment of Christian with a dynamic, pragmatic vantage point, rather than a Christian who is just as static as a rock stuck at the bottom of a river. So many more before me have wanted to be dynamic, pragmatic Christians, but I'm thinking many of them failed, or also got stuck. Life isn't meant to be static, as we're constantly changing - a lot of it beyond our control. So it only stands that our thoughts, words, and actions should change too.

The word metamorphosis comes to mind. It seems that's essentially what all of life is. I'm amazed though, that so many lives cannot do that very thing, and so often it is actually through their own actions that it is impossible to change.

I will not be impervious to change. People have told me it's human nature to not want change. I would like to politely disagree with them here. It's society's nature to not want to change, and so they've bogged us down in their protocol so as to impede us, when all most of us really want to do is break out of the protocol, and perhaps do something a bit more..... freeing.

So where was I going with this? Metamorphosis, digital coughing. My metamorphosis is the coughing. When you cough, you're changing - clearing the phlegm from your throat, and thus bettering yourself (or at least your esophagus). My coughing is digital - written out in pixelated form so that you may see my metamorphosis, my coughing, my betterment. In the header, I'm saying take notes - because life is one big, long test. It is. And you're free to take notes from me, if you so desire. On what to do, and quite possibly what NOT to do. Again - I'm not perfect, so I may be a wonderful example. (And in writing this, I'm feeling my imperfection staring me in the face. I feel as though I'm being quite self-centered, something I'm trying to shun.)

I hope that wasn't too terribly confusing, and that maybe you got something out of it. That is all, imperfections blaring or not, I have to say about that.

What Is Anyone Really Worth?

So celebrities, sports stars, and Donald Trump and Bill Gates are all worth millions, perhaps even billions, yes? This is what the world would have you think anyway. But I ask you this: Are they really WORTH their money? I realize that this whole “worth” factor is actually the analysts discussing the assets' worth of these famed people; but the principle still stands that these people are referred to as being worth a certain amount of money. Maybe it just sounds cooler to say “Donald Trump is worth x amount”, rather than “Donald Trump's assets are worth x amount.”

If someone were to purchase, yes purchase, Donald Trump or LeBron James, how much would they have to pay? And if LeBron James or Donald Trump just up and DIED on them the next day - how much would we have to pay to bring them back to life? How much? Supposedly they're worth something - so shouldn't that amount of money be able to bring them back to life? Let me ask you something else. What about your mailman? Is he worth more or less than Donald Trump? And if he also died tomorrow - would it cost less to bring him back to life?

I ask you this because to call someone worth a certain amount of money is despicable. If a rich man died tomorrow, no man would be able to bring him back to life any more than they would a poor man, but the world would almost lead you to believe that people can be brought back to life - if the price is right. The price will NEVER BE RIGHT! Only God's price will ever be right. But in this day and age, so many of us have forgotten God's currency: Love, compassion, faithfulness, peace, grace. I would venture a guess that my mailman's life is so much fuller of God's currency than Donald Trump's is.

I've never been tempted to steal money from work. Not once. When I'm on the clock, money is a dirty, sticky, gruesome material that I'm forced to handle. And the most wonderful epiphany hit me one day as I was clearing out my till to count it: All this money is virtually worthless to God! HA! Take that, world!

So the next time you hear someone say, “So-and-so is worth x amount”, I would challenge you to look at them straight
and simply ask, “If they died tomorrow, could that worth bring them back to life?”