YAY!

Three things, to be briefly mentioned, but savored for a very long time:

1. Car.  I got it yesterday.  The title is transferred, plates are changed, and it still runs as well as I remember.
   
2. Teeth.  I cannot wait to get these stitches out of my mouth.  They're driving me nuts.  At least I'm not Vicodin-dependent any longer (and I can actually eat things other than mushy foods).  
   
3. JOB!  I get to glorify God this summer, and I get paid for it.  I can't ask for much else.  See the other blog if you want more details. 
   

Wow.  And all of that within a twenty-four hour period.

Ahh-mazing.  That's God for you though.  Oh yes. 

Elation

There was, is, and always will be a reason that things happen the way they do.

There's a reason I didn't get the YouthWorks job, there's a reason I've been teaching Sunday school for several months, and there's a reason I felt so incredibly far from God last night as I picked out (with dissatisfaction) the outfit I would wear to an interview I had today.  Not a thing I tried on last night ended up being what I actually wore.

Fancy that.

I drove over an hour to get to the camp I was interviewing at, complete with getting slightly lost at one point.  I felt frantic behind the wheel of my car.  I'm not used to interstate driving.  I like driving fast, but I'm not used to interstate driving.  I haven't been to the camp in years.  But as I crossed the threshold it suddenly came flooding back.  After a few hurried breaths in my car, I whipped my coat on and walked to the office.  The door opened, the director came out to meet me, and it felt like I'd come from one rush right into the next.  After a brief bathroom visit, I walked right into the next room, and they began their questions.

Flurry.

They asked me things I've been asked before.  They asked me questions I've struggled with before.  I answered as I have before, and paused at the same parts I had before.  Yes, I talked about Jesus, but it felt like I had no gusto.    It felt, really, like I was a big, blundering ball of inexperience.  I was honest as honest can be, sitting in a room with two people I'd just met, trying to pour out the heart God gave me in that instant, but it felt flat.  Rushed.  In so many ways, forced, foreign, even confusing.

Lull.

But they were very understanding.  They asked me to excuse them while they deliberated the decision.  I smiled, took my coat, and went to sit in the next room.  They shut the door and began to talk.  I sat in the chair in the darkened office, looking out the window.

And I prayed.

I did not even try to listen to their conversation, though it probably wouldn't have been hard.  I talked to God.  I talked to Him for what felt like the first time that day.  I stared at the back of a flat screen monitor, and gave that moment and their decision to Him.

Elation.

They reopened the door after just a few minutes, and the director said, "Well, the votes are in."

"You're hired."

And what could I do besides smile?  I'll find out.

I graduate in mid-May.  Training for the summer begins the very last day of May.  And there is nothing better than knowing that this is where He wants me.

Behind It

I know this has happened to me, and I get the feeling it has happened to countless others.

We read the Bible for the Bible's sake (to say you read).

We pray for prayer's sake (to say you prayed).

We go to church for church's sake (to say you went).

They call that living a life of appeasement.

There is intent there that so many don't realize.

There is someone behind that Bible.

There is someone behind that Prayer.

There is someone behind that Church.

It isn't money-grubbers. It isn't your mother or father chiding you.  It isn't your self-righteous friends putting you down and guilting you into reading, or thinking, or going.

It's God.  It's the Spirit.  It's Jesus. 

God is behind the Bible.

The Spirit is behind that Prayer.

Jesus is behind that Church.

They are all one in the same.

And the same is that they love you.  

They are behind you so They can keep guiding you onward. 

They are behind you so They can encourage you.

They are behind you so that through you, the rest of the world can see Them.

Grateful

I won't lie.  There are so many days where I do not feel grateful.  Today is the epitome of feeling ungrateful.

I had my wisdom teeth removed yesterday.  Today I began the horrid task of having to rinse my mouth out with warm salt water.  This is the part I find ironic: I love salty foods.  I cannot crave them enough.  When I was a child, I craved anything sweet.  Now, I truly have to be in the mood for sweet food.  I rarely, if ever, crave sweet food (cake, pie, ice cream, etc.).  Now, I crave salty. The day before I had the wisdom teeth out, I gobbled down delightfully greasy, hand-battered onion rings, and a big, meaty grinder, its oven-toasted bun stuffed to the gills with delicious salami, ham, capicola, lettuce, italian dressing, and mayonnaise. I won't generally admit to liking mayo, because it is pure lard.  But on a grinder it is positively heavenly.  Just writing about it is making me hungry for one.

Soup is also one of my favorite foods.  Quite possibly because it, too, is quite salty.

So why, for the life of me, do I cringe at the thought of having to rinse with warm salt water? It's salty out the flippin' wazoo.  I realize it has something to do with that fact that that's all it is: pure sodium chloride mixed with hydrogen and oxygen, served warm over a kitchen or bathroom sink.

Then there are the drugs.  I'm on some sort of anti-swelling agent, as well as a generic form of Vicodin.  I'm actually doing quite well with the Vicodin.  I haven't taken as much as I thought I would have by now.  Though I will probably take some again before bed, just to help knock me out so I'm not lying there for hours on end, daydreaming about things I really shouldn't be.

So what does (un)grateful have to do with this?  The fact that, through it all, I've been praying, yes, but not nearly enough.  That, and I completely ignored my Bible yesterday.  I was so tempted to today, but then I thought better of it, got a shower (I haven't had one since before the surgery yesterday), and instantly I turned on tobyMac after the shower, and thought to myself, "And why was I going to ignore it today?"

I'm not going to ignore it.  I am going to be grateful.  I am going to pray, I am going to read my Bible, and I am going to rejoice that, thus far, all things considered, I'm actually making a fairly quick recovery.

Not to mention, I got a car.  I get it on Friday. And I have a fair commute out to a job interview - at a church camp - on Saturday.  How can I not give thanks for that?  How can I not be grateful for that?

I've recently been pondering the thought: How "with us" is God actually?  How many of our steps is He really guiding?  How many words that come out of our mouths does he actually put there?  I get the feeling it may be more than we think.

I am grateful.  I may not be appreciative of having to rinse with that salt water, but I am grateful to have it, because I know so many don't. I am grateful to be making such a quick recovery.  I am grateful that that tasty grinder will be available for consumption once my mouth is back to normal.

But most of all, I am grateful that I have a Bible to read, a God to pray to, and a Savior who loves me.  Wisdom tooth surgery, Vicodin, salt water, lethargy, and all.  

 

Heaven's Song

The First Time 

I heard anything by Gateway Worship was in church.  "Revelation Song" was playing.  My sister and I thought it was beautiful.  A couple weeks later, we remembered it, and promptly bought it.  It is still as beautiful as the day we bought it.

But I wasn't sure about the band.  It almost seemed more like a compilation CD, and I wasn't sure who the actual artist was.

Well, 

My curiosity of them struck again one morning, because Revelation Song is so very beautiful, so I decided to do a little more research.  Oh no, I was wrong.  There actually is a group called Gateway Worship.  I'll admit, I haven't listened to much of their other stuff.

However.

Their latest CD, called Wake Up the World, has a bonus track called Heaven's Song, and it is also incredibly, incredibly beautiful.  I bought it on the 8th after listening to it repeatedly (via that aforementioned link).  Right now, it is fast approaching the twelfth.  The song has been played 81 times, and I'm still not sick of it.

I just can't get sick of this kind of music.

And I don't consider that a bad thing.

Taking it Personally

Our Sunday School lesson today was about serving, and helping those who are less than fortunate than ourselves.  The lesson did not go as planned.  Their answers were good.  Good, and unexpected to the point that I was left utterly speechless.  They weren't going where I'd wanted them to go with the question.  It felt like they were spitting the question right back in my face. And I took it personally.

In truth, maybe the lesson was a reflection of myself.  I have great aspirations of giving of myself. Eventually.  But the fact, right now, is that I'm not.  I feel so utterly selfish.

People have always said, "Don't take it personally."  That's all fine and dandy.  But does that mean you're not supposed to take anything in your life personally?  As my advisor told me when I approached her about it, "You have to have a forehead of flint."  I do understand that. These are different people I'm trying to teach.

However, this is my question: If you don't take anything in your life personally, what kind of life is that?

I thought life was about being personal, not impersonal.

Cider in Winter

It's March, and it's 59 degrees outside.

But I'm sitting in a little coffee and tea shop with my computer's twin (did I ever mention my sister has exactly the same computer I do?), and I've decided that apple cider far exceeds coffee any day.

Why?

Because it's delicious, it is warm, appley and good, this particular cider came with whipped cream - and an honest to goodness cinnamon stick that I am taking home with me! - and...

I got a large.  Had I gotten any large coffee beverage, it would have been at least $4.  Knowing me, and my coffee habits, it would have been over $5.  

The apple cider cost $2.85.

$2.85, my friends, $2.85.

Drink your hearts out.

Spring Break Rush

And you ask me what there is to rush around about.

I'll tell you!  School, for one.  And of course it is the biggest one.  I thought 12 credit hours would be easier this semester.  Yeah, of course.  Except when all your teachers decide to assign projects at the same time.  Okay, maybe it's not that bad.  But here, I'll list them for you:

1. Communication Theory project. Granted, it isn't due until April, but I'm trying this new thing where I don't put things off until the last minute.  Oh!  (We'll see how it goes...)
2. Style Paper.  It's due next week.  I'm writing about cliches.  Fancy that.
3. A script for my Writing for Media class.  We won't go there.  It's weird.  Though hopefully reminiscent of The Twilight Zone once it's finished.
4. Did I mention I'm the editor?  Yeah.  Of my school newspaper.  Easier said than done.  And I think I'll be glad when I'm done.

Those are just the big things.  I didn't mention all the other weekly homework to go along with it.

But I will tell you - there's a much larger driving force behind all this.  I get my wisdom teeth out.  On St. Patrick's Day.  I just want the things done so I won't have so much worrying to do on the other side of being two teeth lighter.

That, and that's just how I am.

Wiring, my friend, wiring.