The Void

I find myself working for the void.  I find myself a prospective employee of a company that, for years, I was never incredibly keen on.  The only reason I'd be willing to work for them is because my parents once did.  But are they proud of it?  What would I be doing for them?  How would I be bettering God's kingdom by working for this company?  I don't know.

How can I work for Him?  Where can I work for Him?  What can I do to prove to the world that I am for His end, and no one else's?  How can I show my allegiance to Him but then continue to obtain my sustenance from other places than Him?

I continually find myself being sucked into the void.  The void that knows it's fun to get new things.  The void that says it's more important to complete homework for an institution than to complete homework He gave me.  The void that creeps into my mind that causes me to say, "Yeah, He still exists, but we'll get back to Him tomorrow.  Once I've crawled out of the void."

How can I control this void?  Truly, I cannot.  But how can I pray for guidance when the void doesn't want me to, and I've succumbed to the void?

I should be succumbing to Him, not the void.  Oh you void with your pretty lights, your colors, your music, your temptations.  You void-things of material bliss that seem never-ending.  How can I tell myself these things are for not?  How can I live right by them, but not be sustained by them?  They don't sustain.  They're a rickety support, doomed to fail.

Lord, give me your eyes.  Give me your eyes to avoid the void.  Tell me the void is for not.  Show me your open door that is for.  Interest me in the things that would please you most.  Push these interests on me like the world pushes their own interests on me.  Make your interests mine.  The You in me wants nothing else.  And the me in me knows that is the way it should be.

But the void keeps creeping in, distracting me.