My First Job in a Nutshell

This was a joke in an e-newsletter I receive called "You Make Me Laugh" from Crosswalk.com. I found it highly amusing.  And, unfortunately, I also found it shockingly true of my very first job, which I first started working when I was sixteen.  The instant I turned eighteen, they worked me from eight o'clock in the morning to four in the afternoon without a break.  I quit ten days after I turned eighteen, and I've had numerous nightmares about that job.  If the puns in this joke aren't spot on to what I actually had to do at that job, they're frighteningly close.

I was going to put in bold the ones that were actually true of the job. I'm now finding it a moot point to do so; all but two or three points are true.

Here's the joke:

JOB SEARCH JARGON

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long-time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way...

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen and figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won't answer questions.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT: We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER: We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED: If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.