This Part of My Life

This part of my life has been brought to you by *insert old radio static with old school radio announcer speaking the line "The ambiguity of FLASH!"*

Flash - what? What kind of flash are we talking about? Adobe Flash, photographic fill/bounce/create either really good pictures, or ones with sucky shadows flash? Or perhaps even the indecent-exposure-will-get-you-thrown-in-jail flash? (And of course the latter is what everyone's mind first jumps to.... thanks.)

Yeah. It just kind of makes me laugh how much the concept of "flash" has entered my life. Granted, the Adobe Flash was more fall semester.... but that's not important! Photo bounce/fill/awesome flash has officially entered my life as a photographer. And I love it. My pictures will come out so much better using a fully qualified flash. We're not talking the wimpy pop-up flash shutter. Uh-uh. Real hotshoe, tiltable, triple digit retail price, requires multiple AA batteries flash.

I love it. And it's going to make my work so much better than it is right now.

I am by no means saying my current work is bad - but who can't use improvement?

The business is pretty much completely set up. There are still a few things I need and would like to get done, but they'll fall into place when the time is right.

This could (and I believe will) get very exciting. :-)

Because I Have Time for This

Do I have time for this?
Really, I don't. I've got a Statistics final tomorrow, a JavaScript final on Wednesday, and then I'm done with school. For the semester. Only to return to more school (albeit just one course) the beginning of June.

Being done with school used to mean great big gaps of time where all I had to do was wonder what fun thing I'd do next. Or sleep. Ahhh.... sleep. What I should be doing right now.

But now, being done with school means I start other things: The business. Oh. Oh. Oh. The business. Yes, the business. I just hope I like this business (I think I will once I get everything streamlined). Right now - oh right now - it's a lot, a lot, a LOT of planning. And planning. And more planning.

And then more planning.

But it's okay. Things are coming together. Quite how I hadn't exactly expected them. But really, when put that way, what was I really supposed to expect? (That was somewhat redundant, probably confusing, and, truth be told, I didn't know what to expect. So, obviously, things are not happening how I expected them to, since I didn't know how to expect them in the first place.) Way to go off on a tangent, self...

It probably wouldn't be quite as stressful if I hadn't decided to build my own website for the business. It seems to have become half the battle, if not more.

But really? What was I going to do? Me, a web major hire someone else to build it for me?

Psssh. Right. Though, I may have to break down and ask for assistance in areas that I am not yet knowledgeable about.

So - the question is - do you have time for your this? It'd probably be a good idea to figure out just what this is. Then, do you want to spend your life (or a fair portion of it) doing this? Personally (and this is my rationale through all this planning madness), I think I've known for years that photography is my this. I was just waiting on money, maturity, and a decent dSLR before I could actually embark on this.

I might have asked you to wish me luck. Nah. But I wouldn't turn down a prayer. This is all happening because, I hope and pray, He wants it to in the first place.

Peace.

Dreaming Hawaiian Style

It's been just shy of three years since I lived in Hawaii.

And I still dream about it. I had one such dream last night. I dreamed of Punchbowl, and the pristine crystal blue oceans just mere miles from its peak. The sea was almost clearer than the sky. You might not believe an ocean could be so clear in real life - but it can. I could see green mountains and their steep dropoff cliffs on Kaneohe side. Mist rising from the waterfalls (now long gone in real time) that still echo from the valleys.

Some dreams can taint places; leave them in your mind as less than favorable. But whenever I dream about Hawaii, it's peaceful and joyful. There is nothing depressing about having a Hawaii dream. It's a breath of fresh air and a happy surprise to dip into nostalgia.

Wisdom Amidst Superfluous Thought

Think much, but speak little.

Thought of the day:
I won't lie. I wouldn't mind a boyfriend. Or perhaps just getting to know my current "person" better. For starters.

Unrelated Note:
One of my good friends is starting 5k's. The first one being the beginning of April. Sadly, I am not ready for that. My goal is to hit it by May or June.

Photo Note:
I have in fact found the name for the photography business. What I thought it was a couple posts back is not actually what it turned out to be. But that is fine. What it is will work very well. I've got a nice start on the website. Now for some other ducks to get in line...

February Happies

So I've felt rather overtly blah the entire month.

For the record, my lips and nose are fairly back to normal. I get the feeling they've been forever "modified" in a couple ways, but it's nothing radically noticeable, especially if people don't even know it happened in the first place.

One thing that is making me very happy though is the prospect of starting a photography business. I've been searching for a name (because until you have the name, it just doesn't feel real), and I think I've finally found it. I won't share it yet - once I've got all the papers signed and everything's official (which means I can start purchasing the bonafide domain name and all that good stuff) I'll probably post a link.

I am voraciously excited to start designing the logo and website as well. Which means I already have. Only to be tempered by the ever-present work and schoolwork. Ahh, the balance of life strikes again. But I really shouldn't quip about the schoolwork - it'll only help me make an even cooler and more fully functional site in the long run.

Oh - and my ridiculously awesome Canon telephoto lens (the 70-300mm IS USM - yeah that one) came today. Just minorly thrilled about it.

I Feel Stupid! Really, really stupid.

Edit to the first sentence of previous blog:

Rule #1 for living life in general: DON'T. GET. HURT.

So I made the smart decision of walking through my darkened room to get to my bed last night. Mind you, I've done this numerous times before with success.

This is the general sway of how things have gone in the past:

1. Turn off lights.
2. Walk through room to general direction of bed.
3. Feel around for the bed.
4. Sit down on bed.
5. Lie down and go to sleep.

This is how it happened last night:

1. Turn off lights.
2. Walk through room to general direction of bed.
3. Feel around for bed.
4. Barely sit down on bed.
5. Suddenly realize I've overshot where I was supposed to sit down because there is excruciating pain emitting from nose. (I've just smartly slammed it onto the dresser -way to go - instantly feel like an idiot but am in too much pain to care at the moment.)
6. Stand up then kneel down by bed. Press hands to nostrils to help the pain go away.
7. Realize there is blood dripping (rather quickly) from nostrils (first time that has ever happened in my twenty-two years of life).
8. Cup hand under nose to catch blood, fumble around for the light switch so I can freeking see.
9. Storm over to bathroom, see bloody face, turn on water, splash face numerous times. Grab tissue to catch more blood.
10. Return to room to look for hair tie because hair is getting in the way.
11. Return to bathroom, pull hair back, splash more water on face.
12. Note severe swollenness and other abnormalities on face. Think nose might be broken due to the blood.
13. Wake up mother with a, "Mom, I hate to do this to you, but can you come look at my face?"
14. Mother gets up. Whole family gets up. Convince me everything's just really swollen, but not broken.
15. Discover blood on sheets from nose. Mom, sister, and dad change sheets. I sit with warm washcloth pressed to nose. Have been feeling dizzy if standing for more than a minute or so.
16. Dad does interrogation session to give me his "diagnosis." At least my teeth are all still intact and not loose.
17. Return to bathroom. Take Advil.
18. Just want to go to bed - I'm tired!
19. Lie down.
20. Mom turns off light so I don't have to.
21. Go to sleep wondering if I'm going to have a puffy upper lip and sore nose for the rest of my life. But at the same time, am wondering (with slight interest) what other items have just been added to the list of long-term bodily modification. (My right middle finger is a little crooked from when I displaced it last summer, but I like it. Builds character, and still works just fine.)

It's currently 9:20 p.m. so this all happened just a few hours shy of a day ago. My lips, I believe, have actually sustained the worst of the (visible at least) damage. A section is bruised, and there are a couple small cuts. The area between my nose and upper lip got hit hard too, though I can't really see the damage. It's got to be the reason my upper lip is so swollen though.

I took some pictures of it, just for kicks. And that way I can do comparison photos.

I'm not posting them on here though. If you know me in the real world (as opposed to this lovely man-made virtualization), well, you'll see what I'm talking about soon enough.

I hope you had a better Valentine's Day!

I Feel Silly, Oh So Silly!

Rule #1 of any exercise outing: Don't. Get. Hurt.

Yes, I did feel very silly (and a bit trepidatious) going out in over a foot of snow today to go walking/jogging. Especially the parts where I was jumping around to avoid the dubious patches and clumps of ice and snow on the road.

And, I knew at the time I looked silly. But I didn't care.

I will say that again: I didn't care. (When I first started this crazy thing they call enjoying exercise - because I do now - I was incredibly self-conscious.)

Why? Because I didn't see anyone else out doing the crazy snow jump today to get off a few calories. Not that I blame them. I was about ready to turn around myself when I saw that an entire street I had to go down hadn't been plowed.

But then I considered it again for a moment and thought to myself: Whatever happened to being adventurous? Boo hoo if you don't want to get your pants wet. Get them wet anyway, goofball! And, as it turns out, they didn't actually get too wet. Which was nice. The kind souls that live on said street that hadn't been plowed had pushed a snow blower down their sidewalks, so I was able to jog for a short stretch where there weren't icy patches.

(Random interesting story: I was scared to death at first of having to walk on a road entirely covered with snow. Surely it would be slippery and I would inevitably fall. Much to my surprise, I soon figured out the snow was - believe it or not - run-on-able. So, uhh, I did! It was fun. Nod.)

The rest of the excursion was an interesting mix of carefully padding along through the icy patches, feeling liberated when getting the chance to run through a clear path of solid pavement, and amusment at what other people must have thought of me as I dodged various sections of snow on the road (and slid a little in a few spots). But through the whole thing, I never fell.

Praise God for fun snowy outings (even if my speed vs. time wasn't so ideal - there were extenuating circumstances!)

No lies though - I can't wait until we have consistently sunnier days, and solid, hard pavement to run on.

2009 Review

I set myself the challenge a few years back (after seeing a friend do so) of seeing if I could remember one thing I did each month out of the year. Well, apparently in my depression over New Year's I forgot to do so. So here goes!

(Oh, and for the record, getting back into the church swing is a wonderful feeling. I've made some wonderful friends in Life Group, and I'm incredibly excited to get to know them all much better and to really consider them close friends. This past week was my third week attending. I hope I never have to miss a Sunday night group!)

The Year 2009
January: I remember feeling very excited about 2009. It felt like it would be a very memorable year going into it. (And, once this post is over and I've recollected everything I can, I suppose we can decide.) I began my final semester as a Technical Communications major.

February: I honestly can't remember anything incredibly exciting (obviously). I feel like one of my writers for the school paper (I was the Editor; did I mention that?) may have written an article on parking in the snow that ended up getting grilled by the school security. Which irritated me royally. And that's putting it lightly.

March: My parents were gracious enough to buy my old car back from some family friends we'd sold it to. So, I got my old car back, and interviewed for a camp position (at Mowana) all within a couple days - and I got the job!

April: Our big final projection for a Communication Theory class was a portfolio (of sorts) of how we saw different theories of communication at work in everyday life. It was very interesting to study, research, and ultimately get an A on!

May: I graduated on May 17th with an Associate of Science in Technical Communications.

June: At Camp Mowana, the first two weeks of the summer were spent doing staff training. June 1st was the first full day of training. I fell in poison ivy that day I was fortunate to not actually get it on my skin as I fell on my bottom. But that very day the pants inherited their nickname of "poison ivy pants."

July: My outreach group spent an excellent 4th of July week in the town of Northwood, near Toledo. Great, great kids, and excellent accommodations.

August: The last week of camp was spent in New Philadelphia. It was an excellent week. Also great campers, and great staff. I spent the week with a wonderful host family, and my best friend from camp, Abby.

September: I turned 22. Still doesn't feel like it.

October: Two months into my first semester as a web design major. I really dug into my HTML class and loved it.

November: After the encouragement of my co-workers (who'd joined SparkPeople) and my curiosity of the site, I decided once again to embark on weight loss. I lost ten pounds from November 4th - December 4th.

December: The first year, ever, I didn't attend a Christmas Eve service, after having left my now former church, but having not yet found a new church. My little sister and I stayed home instead, did a little cleaning, baked cookies, and listened to Christmas music. I hope I never have a Christmas Eve without church again.

And there is the year's end. I can't believe it's February already.

I also feel like it's time for a new header. And maybe a different layout. One that I could actually design myself this time, since I know how! Ahh, in good time. (And right now, I don't have the most.)

MochaClub LIVE!

Mocha Club Tonight!
Mocha Club is launching their very first LIVE online event TONIGHT - in an HOUR!
Donate $1.50 to get more clean water in Sudan, Africa, and watch Matt Wertz, Dave Barnes, and (one of my personal favorites) Brandon Heath online. I hear there's gonna be good music, discussion, and they'll be answering tweet questions.

So if you've happened to stumble upon this news - I encourage you to check it out. It's gonna be good!

On School News
It's the third week of the second semester as a web design major, and I can't seem to get myself motivated to do homework. It feels as though I have to sit in front of the computer for at least an hour doing completely unrelated things (such as blogging this) before I actually get up the energy to open homework files, and navigate to websites that will actually help me complete said homework. This trend had better not continue.

On Church News
I've joined a new church. Period. I love it. Period. I love the people, the conversation, (the coffee,) and the encouragement I'm getting. Love, love, love it.

Peace.

This is the Year

I haven't been to church on a regular basis since leaving Holy Trinity in October. (ish. It was around that time. I don't remember exactly.)

And for a while, I was content to just not go. It was nice to sleep in on Sunday mornings, not get up, get dressed and drive around looking for a place to worship. But the contentedness turned into too laziness. The laziness in turn turned into depression. Depression turned into horrible thoughts over the holidays. Thoughts which I would never actually carry out.

But I thought about them. I wondered what it would be like. I was that depressed, even if it was only for a few short days or hours.

The depression reached a point a couple days ago. I realized that I could not keep doing this, or it probably was going to kill me. I might have given my life to God in the past - but now, I would have been an unfruitful life. It would have consisted only of "what ifs" with only sad and unfulfilled possibilities.

There is a line, by the Afters (an excellent group, by the way) - it's actually the first line of the song "42". And it goes: "I came into this world to find a reason to live."

Fact 1: I have come into this world.
Fact 2: I need to rediscover the reason to live.

I went to a new church today: First Christian.

And perhaps this is a little premature, but then again, perhaps it isn't: I believe I've found my new church family. Yes, they'll take a little getting used to. And of course, I know I'll take a little getting used to, on their part.

And it's strange - we were discussing tonight in a small group (great, great people) about how we need to let God write our story. I know I've been writing my own, at least for the past few months, and it was not heading in the right direction.

When I was researching First Christian, I didn't have a single reservation. I knew I was going to like it even before I went.

And I did like it. I earnestly hope this is the start of something new and wonderful, and most importantly, God-written.

So - to rehash the blog title - This is the Year.

This is the year to get involved in church - more than I ever have in the past. God made my life. The least I can do is give it back to Him.

This is the year (again, God willing) that I finally achieve the fitness goals (and weight loss) I've wanted for years. I've lost 20 pounds since November - and it was better when I was praying for Him to help me run up the hills. I want and need to do that again.

This is the year to keep getting good grades, and learning tons about web design.

This is the year to support my family, and help them. Not get into yelling matches with my parents, as I did earlier today.

This is the year to achieve even more goals that not even I know about right now. With prayer and encouragement, God will help me set them.

This is the year - if not now, when?

Peace.