Grateful

I won't lie.  There are so many days where I do not feel grateful.  Today is the epitome of feeling ungrateful.

I had my wisdom teeth removed yesterday.  Today I began the horrid task of having to rinse my mouth out with warm salt water.  This is the part I find ironic: I love salty foods.  I cannot crave them enough.  When I was a child, I craved anything sweet.  Now, I truly have to be in the mood for sweet food.  I rarely, if ever, crave sweet food (cake, pie, ice cream, etc.).  Now, I crave salty. The day before I had the wisdom teeth out, I gobbled down delightfully greasy, hand-battered onion rings, and a big, meaty grinder, its oven-toasted bun stuffed to the gills with delicious salami, ham, capicola, lettuce, italian dressing, and mayonnaise. I won't generally admit to liking mayo, because it is pure lard.  But on a grinder it is positively heavenly.  Just writing about it is making me hungry for one.

Soup is also one of my favorite foods.  Quite possibly because it, too, is quite salty.

So why, for the life of me, do I cringe at the thought of having to rinse with warm salt water? It's salty out the flippin' wazoo.  I realize it has something to do with that fact that that's all it is: pure sodium chloride mixed with hydrogen and oxygen, served warm over a kitchen or bathroom sink.

Then there are the drugs.  I'm on some sort of anti-swelling agent, as well as a generic form of Vicodin.  I'm actually doing quite well with the Vicodin.  I haven't taken as much as I thought I would have by now.  Though I will probably take some again before bed, just to help knock me out so I'm not lying there for hours on end, daydreaming about things I really shouldn't be.

So what does (un)grateful have to do with this?  The fact that, through it all, I've been praying, yes, but not nearly enough.  That, and I completely ignored my Bible yesterday.  I was so tempted to today, but then I thought better of it, got a shower (I haven't had one since before the surgery yesterday), and instantly I turned on tobyMac after the shower, and thought to myself, "And why was I going to ignore it today?"

I'm not going to ignore it.  I am going to be grateful.  I am going to pray, I am going to read my Bible, and I am going to rejoice that, thus far, all things considered, I'm actually making a fairly quick recovery.

Not to mention, I got a car.  I get it on Friday. And I have a fair commute out to a job interview - at a church camp - on Saturday.  How can I not give thanks for that?  How can I not be grateful for that?

I've recently been pondering the thought: How "with us" is God actually?  How many of our steps is He really guiding?  How many words that come out of our mouths does he actually put there?  I get the feeling it may be more than we think.

I am grateful.  I may not be appreciative of having to rinse with that salt water, but I am grateful to have it, because I know so many don't. I am grateful to be making such a quick recovery.  I am grateful that that tasty grinder will be available for consumption once my mouth is back to normal.

But most of all, I am grateful that I have a Bible to read, a God to pray to, and a Savior who loves me.  Wisdom tooth surgery, Vicodin, salt water, lethargy, and all.