Elation

There was, is, and always will be a reason that things happen the way they do.

There's a reason I didn't get the YouthWorks job, there's a reason I've been teaching Sunday school for several months, and there's a reason I felt so incredibly far from God last night as I picked out (with dissatisfaction) the outfit I would wear to an interview I had today.  Not a thing I tried on last night ended up being what I actually wore.

Fancy that.

I drove over an hour to get to the camp I was interviewing at, complete with getting slightly lost at one point.  I felt frantic behind the wheel of my car.  I'm not used to interstate driving.  I like driving fast, but I'm not used to interstate driving.  I haven't been to the camp in years.  But as I crossed the threshold it suddenly came flooding back.  After a few hurried breaths in my car, I whipped my coat on and walked to the office.  The door opened, the director came out to meet me, and it felt like I'd come from one rush right into the next.  After a brief bathroom visit, I walked right into the next room, and they began their questions.

Flurry.

They asked me things I've been asked before.  They asked me questions I've struggled with before.  I answered as I have before, and paused at the same parts I had before.  Yes, I talked about Jesus, but it felt like I had no gusto.    It felt, really, like I was a big, blundering ball of inexperience.  I was honest as honest can be, sitting in a room with two people I'd just met, trying to pour out the heart God gave me in that instant, but it felt flat.  Rushed.  In so many ways, forced, foreign, even confusing.

Lull.

But they were very understanding.  They asked me to excuse them while they deliberated the decision.  I smiled, took my coat, and went to sit in the next room.  They shut the door and began to talk.  I sat in the chair in the darkened office, looking out the window.

And I prayed.

I did not even try to listen to their conversation, though it probably wouldn't have been hard.  I talked to God.  I talked to Him for what felt like the first time that day.  I stared at the back of a flat screen monitor, and gave that moment and their decision to Him.

Elation.

They reopened the door after just a few minutes, and the director said, "Well, the votes are in."

"You're hired."

And what could I do besides smile?  I'll find out.

I graduate in mid-May.  Training for the summer begins the very last day of May.  And there is nothing better than knowing that this is where He wants me.