This is the Year

I haven't been to church on a regular basis since leaving Holy Trinity in October. (ish. It was around that time. I don't remember exactly.)

And for a while, I was content to just not go. It was nice to sleep in on Sunday mornings, not get up, get dressed and drive around looking for a place to worship. But the contentedness turned into too laziness. The laziness in turn turned into depression. Depression turned into horrible thoughts over the holidays. Thoughts which I would never actually carry out.

But I thought about them. I wondered what it would be like. I was that depressed, even if it was only for a few short days or hours.

The depression reached a point a couple days ago. I realized that I could not keep doing this, or it probably was going to kill me. I might have given my life to God in the past - but now, I would have been an unfruitful life. It would have consisted only of "what ifs" with only sad and unfulfilled possibilities.

There is a line, by the Afters (an excellent group, by the way) - it's actually the first line of the song "42". And it goes: "I came into this world to find a reason to live."

Fact 1: I have come into this world.
Fact 2: I need to rediscover the reason to live.

I went to a new church today: First Christian.

And perhaps this is a little premature, but then again, perhaps it isn't: I believe I've found my new church family. Yes, they'll take a little getting used to. And of course, I know I'll take a little getting used to, on their part.

And it's strange - we were discussing tonight in a small group (great, great people) about how we need to let God write our story. I know I've been writing my own, at least for the past few months, and it was not heading in the right direction.

When I was researching First Christian, I didn't have a single reservation. I knew I was going to like it even before I went.

And I did like it. I earnestly hope this is the start of something new and wonderful, and most importantly, God-written.

So - to rehash the blog title - This is the Year.

This is the year to get involved in church - more than I ever have in the past. God made my life. The least I can do is give it back to Him.

This is the year (again, God willing) that I finally achieve the fitness goals (and weight loss) I've wanted for years. I've lost 20 pounds since November - and it was better when I was praying for Him to help me run up the hills. I want and need to do that again.

This is the year to keep getting good grades, and learning tons about web design.

This is the year to support my family, and help them. Not get into yelling matches with my parents, as I did earlier today.

This is the year to achieve even more goals that not even I know about right now. With prayer and encouragement, God will help me set them.

This is the year - if not now, when?

Peace.